It was about 30 years ago, a very special man who was like a Dad to me became ill and was put in the hospital. This man was my father-in-law and my daughters Grandfather.
He was diagnosed with a bacterial staph infection that was very serious. After being there about 3 weeks with no improvement, we received a telephone call one morning at about1:00 a.m. from the Doctor who told us that Dad needed immediate open heart surgery or he would not survive the night because the infection had eater aware 3 of the valves inside his heart.
Of course we rushed right over and the Doctor said that with the surgery he would only increase his chance of survival to 10% but, it was the only chance he had. The allowed us (my daughter and I) to go in to be with him before surgery to say goodbye to him. And as we stood by his bedside sending him love and healing energy, he was suddenly bathed in the most brilliant white light from head to toe. At first we though it was sunlight coming in the window until we noticed it was only 3:00am. As he was lying there in this beautiful light he opened his eyes, smiled and told us not to worry; that he would see us in a couple of hours.
Both of us were filled with an amazing sense of peace and we believed he would be fine. In the following hours of wafting for the surgery to end we were not at all worried of the outcome, we still had this amazing feeling of peace.
After a short period of rehab from the surgery, he walked out of the hospital (on his birthday by the way) and both my daughter and I knew we had witnessed a miracle that would forever change our path.
Even the Doctor commented on the day of his release that he should not have survived the illness that had raged through is body. At that time we realized the power of the Creator channeling healing energies through us; using us as a vessel to direct that healing where it needed to be.
And that was just the beginning of many wonderful experiences along this journey …so far.
Anonymous
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The Dream
I’m sitting in my 68 GTO (the car had been sold several years before). I'm on I-74, the State was building I-474 at that time. My tachometer states 125 and I had the needle pushed to the end, I rammed my car in to the unfinished cement overpass... my life pops into another dimension.
I am sitting on a thick bed of grass, over looking a valley and a river. About 100 yards away from me is a huge Oak tree, I remember someone saying the Oak tree is a symbol of Christ. The sky is magenta and gold with silver hues, butterflies with wing spans two feet in diameter flitting around me, a low buzz of bees somewhere. The most peaceful and beautiful place I had ever experienced. I am dressed in a white gauze dress, my hair is down and flowing, I smell something so sweet, powerful and intoxicating as I notice a voice in my head: "Welcome little one".
I turn and to my amazement a 22 hand tall iridescent Unicorn was standing right behind me, he was massive! Briefly I thought I should be afraid, instead I felt at peace, total love, trust and curiosity.
'What am I doing here?' 'Tamara you have chosen to leave your dimension and visit mine, I am here to help you understand your value and why you need to remain in your own dimension'.
I had already forgotten my life and why I had wanted to end it. I had forgotten that I felt I did not deserve to live, that I was not worthy and I was tainted goods. Over what seemed to be weeks he helped me heal from my childhood wounds, my college drama and he helped me find my self-worth. I rode with him through woods, through the river and eventually back to the mesa where I had met him. He had me call him 'Richard'. We talked about the nature of humans, the nature of Spirit and God. I was told I had many great things to accomplish. In Richards deep azure eyes I was perfect, untainted and more importantly in God's eyes, I was beyond reproach. I was in human form and yet I was not human, I was Spirit and my soul was pure. The damage that had been done to me and by me was an illusion for my growth.
I woke up and wrote everything down that I experienced and saw, to my amazement only 6 hours had passed. The following week I went to the shrink’s office and told him everything; almost a year later when he and I had completed our sessions, he thanked me for surviving my family and my 'friends'. I now believed in Unicorns and from this point forward when I needed help, symbols of the Unicorn would come too me (I have needed a lot of help I have over 500 unicorns in one shape or another).
***
1985 December 11, 2:30 p.m. (if some one else has some other memory on this I invite you to write your memory of the detail). I was kind of out of it and this is how I remember it:
I had quit school after being slipped the LSD and the attack that had happened to me that night. Two years after getting help from the shrink I decided to go to the local two year college and started over completely. I could not stand to have anything in my life that was associated with Illinois State. Going back to retrieve what records I had, see the place and be hit by the memories was still too hard for me to face.
In December 1985 I had just taken my finals, my Mother had actually joined me in going to the local two year college, Mother was 65 that year and was so proud that she had passed her one class with strait A's! Dad was recuperating from a devastating stroke that had happened in March of 1984 (my psychic powers showed me early on how his stroke would turn out, I'd been right, Dad went from being a very hard-ass tough guy to being a disabled monster).
We had just gotten our grades in the mail and I thought going to celebrate my B average for four classes, Mom's A average for her class, Christmas shopping and bingo, were our plans for the evenings. With the exception of one or two items we were already ready for Christmas, everything was wrapped, shipped and those gifts that were to be delivered were in the trunk. I got off work around 2:30p.m. and went home to get Mom, it was a beautiful day, slightly overcast and not overly chilly. Until about 3:00p.m. we were happy to be together.
As we were headed to the end of our block my Mother dropped a bombshell on me and said: 'Your dad has been such an ass I can not take it, I changed his meds yesterday. I plan on killing him and now that I have told you, you are as responsible as I am'. She turned onto I-55 at the end of Jay Street. I look out the window. As she is saying things and in her defense, I am quiet. On the inside I was having a conversation with God about 'how do I fix this'?
She screams... I look up, put my hand in front of me and my life ended. The story I was told later was that it was decided that I was dead. They put me aside and used the Jaws of Life to remove my Mother from the car. Someone I went to high school with found out who was under all the blood and refused the verdict of dead and continued working on reviving me.
Quite some time later my first conscious memory is 'Why are all these men cutting off my clothes?' Someone asked me to tell them where I am and I said 'Gainesville, GA', everyone laughed and I wondered why they laughed - I was alive and they felt victorious! To my knowledge the young man that insisted that I was not dead and was working on reviving me, disappeared from Morton shortly after my life changing event.
In the hospital my Mother and I were put in Intensive Care in two different rooms. We started telling stories from the other side.
Mother’s story
“I was standing in a misty place, I traveled there through a tunnel very quickly. Tammy was by my side and there were people in the background talking. I turned to Tammy and said 'are you staying?' Tammy said 'I have to return'. I turned away and when I looked back she was gone.
My Story
I was in a bright place, full of love and peace, my Mother was close. Next to me were two Angels - huge and small at the same time. They gave me the choice of staying with them or coming back to earth to do what I came to do, I chose to come back and told my Mother that I had to return.
We were telling these stories in intensive care, I now believe in Angels.
Several days before the accident a very close friend of mine, someone that had helped me through the LSD experience, had attempted to get me to go see a psychic that he knew. I had refused to go at that time. Being persistant he called me again 5 months later and told me about the accident, there was no way he could have known about this so I agreed to go.
He took me to a woman in Danville, Illinois. She told me about the accident, who I really was and what was going to happen over the next 10 years or so. She blew my mind! A story for another day.
Tamara
I am sitting on a thick bed of grass, over looking a valley and a river. About 100 yards away from me is a huge Oak tree, I remember someone saying the Oak tree is a symbol of Christ. The sky is magenta and gold with silver hues, butterflies with wing spans two feet in diameter flitting around me, a low buzz of bees somewhere. The most peaceful and beautiful place I had ever experienced. I am dressed in a white gauze dress, my hair is down and flowing, I smell something so sweet, powerful and intoxicating as I notice a voice in my head: "Welcome little one".
I turn and to my amazement a 22 hand tall iridescent Unicorn was standing right behind me, he was massive! Briefly I thought I should be afraid, instead I felt at peace, total love, trust and curiosity.
'What am I doing here?' 'Tamara you have chosen to leave your dimension and visit mine, I am here to help you understand your value and why you need to remain in your own dimension'.
I had already forgotten my life and why I had wanted to end it. I had forgotten that I felt I did not deserve to live, that I was not worthy and I was tainted goods. Over what seemed to be weeks he helped me heal from my childhood wounds, my college drama and he helped me find my self-worth. I rode with him through woods, through the river and eventually back to the mesa where I had met him. He had me call him 'Richard'. We talked about the nature of humans, the nature of Spirit and God. I was told I had many great things to accomplish. In Richards deep azure eyes I was perfect, untainted and more importantly in God's eyes, I was beyond reproach. I was in human form and yet I was not human, I was Spirit and my soul was pure. The damage that had been done to me and by me was an illusion for my growth.
I woke up and wrote everything down that I experienced and saw, to my amazement only 6 hours had passed. The following week I went to the shrink’s office and told him everything; almost a year later when he and I had completed our sessions, he thanked me for surviving my family and my 'friends'. I now believed in Unicorns and from this point forward when I needed help, symbols of the Unicorn would come too me (I have needed a lot of help I have over 500 unicorns in one shape or another).
***
1985 December 11, 2:30 p.m. (if some one else has some other memory on this I invite you to write your memory of the detail). I was kind of out of it and this is how I remember it:
I had quit school after being slipped the LSD and the attack that had happened to me that night. Two years after getting help from the shrink I decided to go to the local two year college and started over completely. I could not stand to have anything in my life that was associated with Illinois State. Going back to retrieve what records I had, see the place and be hit by the memories was still too hard for me to face.
In December 1985 I had just taken my finals, my Mother had actually joined me in going to the local two year college, Mother was 65 that year and was so proud that she had passed her one class with strait A's! Dad was recuperating from a devastating stroke that had happened in March of 1984 (my psychic powers showed me early on how his stroke would turn out, I'd been right, Dad went from being a very hard-ass tough guy to being a disabled monster).
We had just gotten our grades in the mail and I thought going to celebrate my B average for four classes, Mom's A average for her class, Christmas shopping and bingo, were our plans for the evenings. With the exception of one or two items we were already ready for Christmas, everything was wrapped, shipped and those gifts that were to be delivered were in the trunk. I got off work around 2:30p.m. and went home to get Mom, it was a beautiful day, slightly overcast and not overly chilly. Until about 3:00p.m. we were happy to be together.
As we were headed to the end of our block my Mother dropped a bombshell on me and said: 'Your dad has been such an ass I can not take it, I changed his meds yesterday. I plan on killing him and now that I have told you, you are as responsible as I am'. She turned onto I-55 at the end of Jay Street. I look out the window. As she is saying things and in her defense, I am quiet. On the inside I was having a conversation with God about 'how do I fix this'?
She screams... I look up, put my hand in front of me and my life ended. The story I was told later was that it was decided that I was dead. They put me aside and used the Jaws of Life to remove my Mother from the car. Someone I went to high school with found out who was under all the blood and refused the verdict of dead and continued working on reviving me.
Quite some time later my first conscious memory is 'Why are all these men cutting off my clothes?' Someone asked me to tell them where I am and I said 'Gainesville, GA', everyone laughed and I wondered why they laughed - I was alive and they felt victorious! To my knowledge the young man that insisted that I was not dead and was working on reviving me, disappeared from Morton shortly after my life changing event.
In the hospital my Mother and I were put in Intensive Care in two different rooms. We started telling stories from the other side.
Mother’s story
“I was standing in a misty place, I traveled there through a tunnel very quickly. Tammy was by my side and there were people in the background talking. I turned to Tammy and said 'are you staying?' Tammy said 'I have to return'. I turned away and when I looked back she was gone.
My Story
I was in a bright place, full of love and peace, my Mother was close. Next to me were two Angels - huge and small at the same time. They gave me the choice of staying with them or coming back to earth to do what I came to do, I chose to come back and told my Mother that I had to return.
We were telling these stories in intensive care, I now believe in Angels.
Several days before the accident a very close friend of mine, someone that had helped me through the LSD experience, had attempted to get me to go see a psychic that he knew. I had refused to go at that time. Being persistant he called me again 5 months later and told me about the accident, there was no way he could have known about this so I agreed to go.
He took me to a woman in Danville, Illinois. She told me about the accident, who I really was and what was going to happen over the next 10 years or so. She blew my mind! A story for another day.
Tamara
Friday, December 18, 2009
And so we begin...
There have been so many moments over my lifetime, things that defy reason. Hundreds of experiences before I was 35, which seemed to be the year that I knew I was more than just skin, muscle, bone and an attitude. Age 25 is when I died and age 35 is when I woke up.
Before I was 25 I always said 'I don't get mad, I don't get even, I get one a head'. With an attitude like that very few people messed with me more than once. At 25 I was angry and still somehow was kind. I seemed to be positive and had a passion for life that psychologist and psychiatrist could not explain.
When I went to college I came home with my tail between my legs, my spirit severely damaged and had nightmares so severe that the neighbors two doors down called the police because I screamed like someone was killing me. I became afraid to sleep, lost weight and withdrew. I was sent to a psychologist and they put me though a 12 hour series of test and found that I was having a bad reaction to a drug that had been slipped in to my drink.
The LSD and the reaction to the drug plus what happened during the time the drug was introduced into my tequila -sunrise created a severe depression. I will be forever grateful for having the 12 hours of testing. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder called point of reference; meaning I felt people looked at me when I walked into a room. I was not psychotic, neurotic, or schizophrenic. In all fairness I did think people looked at me though! I had natural highlights in my hair of auburn, brown, blond and gold. My hair was almost to my waist and I had an incredible figure and I was bold! The psychiatrist helped me put things into perspective; they even thanked me for surviving my family. (A story that would make Danielle Steele's books seem boring.)
My story of the AHA! moment actually has three chapters. 1) Coming home from college, getting psychiatric help, 2) A head on collision with a Mac truck - fully loaded with Caterpillar parts. Dying then being revived, my 25th year and 3) Being asked to re-awaken my psychic gift at age 35.
A quick disclaimer, I realize some people in my past and in my present may have slightly different memories of things that happened. This is what I remember.
In 1980 I left Illinois State in Bloomington Normal for good. I had had a brutal 2 years of education at the University. Before going off to ISU I was friendly, vivacious, fun and I was interested in what some might call the occult. I believed passionately in God or a power higher than myself. I did not believe in Angels, Unicorns, Fairies, I hoped the Loch Ness monster and the Yeti were real! I believed in ghost and ets and esp. from personal experiences. I had two years study in the Science of Mind, Religious Science and had planned on becoming a Science of Mind Minister. After my second year at ISU I changed. I had been slipped LSD in my tequila sunrise.
The day after the experience I drove myself home, the long 45 min drive to Morton Illinois. My parents knew immediately that I was not alright. Six weeks after returning home my parents were at wits end. I would not sleep and if I did I always woke up screaming.
One night I planned my suicide. Ann Landers had always said if you feel suicidal wait one more day and it will change. I planned, I knew I had my first psych meeting in the next week I just did not want to wait...life was too mean, unkind; in my mind I would never trust men again. My shrink was to be a man. Like he was going to understand what I had been through!
I wrote my plan out and went to sleep...the Dream really changed my life for ever...check back later to read the dream!
Tamara
Before I was 25 I always said 'I don't get mad, I don't get even, I get one a head'. With an attitude like that very few people messed with me more than once. At 25 I was angry and still somehow was kind. I seemed to be positive and had a passion for life that psychologist and psychiatrist could not explain.
When I went to college I came home with my tail between my legs, my spirit severely damaged and had nightmares so severe that the neighbors two doors down called the police because I screamed like someone was killing me. I became afraid to sleep, lost weight and withdrew. I was sent to a psychologist and they put me though a 12 hour series of test and found that I was having a bad reaction to a drug that had been slipped in to my drink.
The LSD and the reaction to the drug plus what happened during the time the drug was introduced into my tequila -sunrise created a severe depression. I will be forever grateful for having the 12 hours of testing. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder called point of reference; meaning I felt people looked at me when I walked into a room. I was not psychotic, neurotic, or schizophrenic. In all fairness I did think people looked at me though! I had natural highlights in my hair of auburn, brown, blond and gold. My hair was almost to my waist and I had an incredible figure and I was bold! The psychiatrist helped me put things into perspective; they even thanked me for surviving my family. (A story that would make Danielle Steele's books seem boring.)
My story of the AHA! moment actually has three chapters. 1) Coming home from college, getting psychiatric help, 2) A head on collision with a Mac truck - fully loaded with Caterpillar parts. Dying then being revived, my 25th year and 3) Being asked to re-awaken my psychic gift at age 35.
A quick disclaimer, I realize some people in my past and in my present may have slightly different memories of things that happened. This is what I remember.
In 1980 I left Illinois State in Bloomington Normal for good. I had had a brutal 2 years of education at the University. Before going off to ISU I was friendly, vivacious, fun and I was interested in what some might call the occult. I believed passionately in God or a power higher than myself. I did not believe in Angels, Unicorns, Fairies, I hoped the Loch Ness monster and the Yeti were real! I believed in ghost and ets and esp. from personal experiences. I had two years study in the Science of Mind, Religious Science and had planned on becoming a Science of Mind Minister. After my second year at ISU I changed. I had been slipped LSD in my tequila sunrise.
The day after the experience I drove myself home, the long 45 min drive to Morton Illinois. My parents knew immediately that I was not alright. Six weeks after returning home my parents were at wits end. I would not sleep and if I did I always woke up screaming.
One night I planned my suicide. Ann Landers had always said if you feel suicidal wait one more day and it will change. I planned, I knew I had my first psych meeting in the next week I just did not want to wait...life was too mean, unkind; in my mind I would never trust men again. My shrink was to be a man. Like he was going to understand what I had been through!
I wrote my plan out and went to sleep...the Dream really changed my life for ever...check back later to read the dream!
Tamara
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