The Rosicrucian

A few days before the December 11th accident I had received a phone call from a college friend. He had come back from Colorado to see his family and to see a psychic. As she was talking to him she pulled a name out of thin air - Tamara. She told him she needed to talk to me. He called me the next day I was the only Tamara that he knew. This was the man who had saved me the ill fated night in college. I had not talked to him in a couple of years. I had not talked to any one from college since shortly after I left. I still thank him in my prayers for his part in my life.

We talked briefly and he told me about the psychic in DeKalb, Illinois and he asked me would I go see her. I had been adamant about not going. I told him that I was very intuitive and that I felt that she might influence me in a negative way. I told him about an experience I had with a world renowned psychic who lived in the Peoria area. She had scared me with tales from my Grand Mother Dobbs and told me the woman, my grandmother hated me. That I should never go to a séance because my grandmother wanted to hurt my soul; and even though I believed that at that time it had freaked me out completely.

This particular psychic had pulled me out of a crowd, (something psychics and mediums would do many times over the years.) at the state fair. She had just found a dog that had bit a child. Many things this world renowned lady told me were wrong. She was right about not going to any séances at that time. I did not have the training to protect my self from lower energies. I would not learn protection for at least 15 years.

My friend was disappointed and he left it alone. Five months after the accident he calls again and before I could say any thing he said ‘Tamara I saw the psychic again and she insisted that I bring you to her. It has nothing to do with the car wreck and the truck.’ My jaw dropped and all my friend heard was silence, ‘Tamara are you still there?’

‘Oh shit!’ There was no way my friend or the lady in De-Kalb could know about the death defying accident. My friend started fast talking. Next thing I knew I agreed but with my rules, 'You have to come pick me up, take me to her and I don't want to be in the room by my self.’ This was unreasonable on my part because my friend was coming from Rockford, Illinois, to Morton Illinois, all the way up to De-Kalb, back to Morton and then back to Rockford. But he did it. He thought that there would be something in it for him in the end, sorry my friend, you were married by then and I had learned morals and integrity by the time the universe sent you on a mission to give me hope.

My friend drove for hours to pick me up and take me to Rockford. We talked about every thing including the man I had been engaged to after I left Illinois State. I was nervous. I asked him what this lady wanted from me. He did not know and was sure I had a lot to learn. I was so scared I asked that my friend join me. He really did not want to but she (the psychic) tolerated it. What she had to share with me was so profound that if the only way I was going to sit with her was having someone else with me she would accept it. She surprised me by being petite; her white hair and expressive eyes that saw my soul. She was gentle, kind and expressed pure joy that I was there.

The reading begins: She started off saying she was a Rosicrucian, she was a spiritual guide to the priest. And she had a lot of guidance to give me. I was confused. My first belief was priests do not get ‘readings.’ My second belief was weren't readings supposed to be wicked? I was psychic and I had premonitions. People thought I was a bit scary because of it. I knew stuff all the time. What did she know that I was missing? My apologies up front to this beautiful woman, I did not know people did this for a living and I had no idea people paid for ‘readings’; I know when you miraculously came back into my life more than a decade later I made up for my ignorance.

She then began with a prayer and a blessing. She began telling me things like... ‘Tamara you are a very old soul and even being a very old soul you have lived just a few lives. You have been a monk, a priest, a priestess, a nun, or a hermit most of those lives. You have only had children three life times. This life time you will have children. You won't have children until around your 35th year (she was wrong on this one, I had a pregnancy terminated for health reasons and a whole lot of miscarriages). My friend laughed at the prospect that I had been a nun or any thing religious and celibate. I was described by many that knew me in college as wild. What he did not know was that I was fighting to keep my self from becoming ‘frigid’. No one except one psychologist knew how bad my past was, how low my self esteem was and how the year I met him I used men, including him, to get even for what had happened to me in my life. By the time I had met this psychic I had found what love could be like and what it was to lose that love; because I had no tools, or knowledge, on how to love appropriately and with appropriate boundaries. She corrected him and said ‘You have lived many lives and have sex with many partners. Until this lifetime Tamara has had only three.’ She laughed and said ‘she has made up for lost lifetimes and you’re the wild one.’ I felt pretty smug about that comment.

She then looked surprised. She said ‘You’re a Gemini; Gemini’s don't like getting their hands dirty. And still I see you using them. Oh My! You’re a healer.’ I told her that one of my nick names in college was Hands. It was part joke and part reality. If anyone had a headache or something that hurt they came to see me and I went to work fixing the problem. My Grand Mother Masters had taught me to get rid of headaches at age 4. I did not know then that I was a healer I just did what needed to be done. I had a deep compassion for those in pain.

She then got reflective and said ‘Tamara I see you standing at a podium there are thousands of people in front of you at least 60,000 people and you are sharing what you have learned this life time. I see books with your picture. I see 7 books. All of this will start around your 35 birthday.’

Then she just ranted off some facts that she saw. I have never had a reading since or done a reading since that was as accurate as what follows. ‘When you leave here you will find a piece of mail waiting on you. This will be an invite to somewhere very hot. Don't worry about the money for the trip it will just show up. From the trip your consciousness will be raised and I see you moving again somewhere hot this time, a lot of water. You will be moved by the first of October of this year. You and your friend here may never speak again after tonight.’ He was sitting right there and did not hear that part.

When we got to my house my friend had made a very serious blunder, he was married and he wanted to have sex. Even in my wild days I did not mess with men who had commitments. We pissed each other off to the max. He was pissed he had gone to all that bother and I would not put out and I was pissed for his wife that he expected me to put out...grrrr. Anyway, on the counter in my kitchen was an envelope addressed to me from the INTA, International New Thought Association and they were inviting me to a conference in Dallas TX. My friend slept in the basement in our extra room and left the next morning never to be heard from again. I send you blessings and thank you for your role in my story.

Money came from somewhere and my mother and I went to the conference. It was 110 degrees in the shade! WOW, what I learned there was beyond belief! Much of what I teach now came from that experience. I came home with a new sense of restlessness, I was stuck and now it was time to move. My incredible brother and his awesome wife (I had been their match maker!) called from Bonita Springs, FL. They had just moved to FL a few months before. He Said ‘Hey Tamiami you got to come down here. There's this really long road named after you...you'll love it here!’ He had in the past occasionally called me Tamiami. Hmmm, I'm starting to see the psychic’s words come together

I asked if my beloved George would be coming back to me. She hedged around this answer; it boiled down to maybe many years down the road you might have a second chance. She said ‘You will find a job that will lead you to your true profession, you will meet a man that you have dreamt of since you were seven, you will meet a man who will say ‘Hey I have a glow in the dark Frisbee in my trunk, wanna go to the beach, get naked and play?' and you will meet your soul mate.’ Teaching, babies, wealth beyond my wildest dreams, traveling, books, happiness and fulfillment all starting at age 35.

I arrived in Bonita Springs, FL on October 3rd, my brother’s birthday. Within two weeks I had a job at the Ritz-Carlton, where I met a man who on our second date said ‘Hey I have a glow in the dark Frisbee wanna go play Frisbee naked on the beach?’ (that was a holy-shit moment!).

I then somehow thought all three men were in fact the one man. Opps!! In fact that moment cost me almost 5 years of my life and changed some of what was suppose to happen. Thank God the universe gives you second chances! I met two other men while I was with Mr. Frisbee.

When I was 7 years old I started having a dream about a tall, thin, dark haired man. We are on a blanket under a strange tree having a picnic, now I know it was a Banyan tree. I felt love and laughter when I had those dreams. They reoccurred until I met the man that I would marry and then divorce a couple of years later.

Mr. Ex was 7 years younger than I was. I loved him with all my heart unfortunately for him he came into my life as my husband my 35th. year. I lost two babies while being involved with him. It hurt us both. My father died days after our honeymoon. I had kidney stones (unshed tears), Mr. Ex had a cancer scare, I got pneumonia, he got pneumonia, I had miscarriage #2 with him and he went off to train people in NYC for several weeks. He never called and we never recovered as a couple. The next two years the universe emptied my cup and it was what I thought was hell. And then the angels started making there presence known.

And it started with a man who claimed to see angels.

By Tamara

So When Was the First Time You Had Your First Ahh Haa Moment?

So when was the first time that you had your first ahhh-haaa moment that you knew you were something unique to this planet? And I might add that it might have presented itself many other times and you just didn't get “it”.

This was presented to me as the usual challenge from my teacher and friend Tamara. It didn't take long to recall the first event when it rally hit home that something was different with me as to how I perceived and walked this earth.

I had been living and working with a full blood Lakota Indian who claimed to be the War Chief of the Lakota nation. To say the least he was hard energy and we had a few episodes of not being on the same page. My confidence and self esteem were being undermined and I didn't like the feeling.

After two months we were invited to be a part of vision quest, one of the seven rites of the Lakota nation.

We loaded up separate vehicles and headed for the Black Hills. The Indian and his girlfriend went the south route and I took the lodge, food, wood and camping gear in his little truck. I headed though the Great Plains and all of the farming communities. This is where I grew up. These were my roots, and I began to get my strength back---I know who I am!

We had taken a trip to Bear Butte, South Dakota to do vision quest when things began to deteriorate rapidly. I was the fire keeper for the event and was plenty disgusted with his interaction with the people when the event was finished and felt that he had violated major principals of taking care of his people.

I personally had fired him on the mountain when I was there, having walked up to the top of one of the peaks, I sat there talking to the Creator about his being a lousy spiritual director I said to Wankantanka that as far as I was concerned the Indian as a spiritual director, he sucked and he was fired. What I asked for was a sign that my request was confirmed. Later that very afternoon my request was answered. We had a torrential downpour that threatened to drench the fire and wash the whole camp down the hill, now that’s validation.

After the camp broke and we all headed back to our respective homes of origin, I headed intuitively back to my parents home in Nebraska to recover and get grounded. Supper was already waiting for me with no pre phone call.

After a few days of rest and relaxation to reevaluate the last several days I reluctantly headed back to the North Carolina to finish the job. I knew that I had to go back. There was no running away from this, I had to go through it and finish this what ever the outcome.

While I was on my journey back I had time to reflect and had felt that what was done to the supporters was unconscionable. With my anger focused I directed my energy towards him and grabbed my staff.

“I rebuke you in the name of Christ, what you did was wrong and reprehensible, this shall not stand!” and with that I sent the energy.

Almost a week later, having restored my confidence and spent time with family in both Nebraska and Missouri I arrived back in North Carolina. As I walked into the house I was greeted by the Indian, his girlfriend and their pit bull. “You’re not sick”? “No, why would I be.” We haven't been able to be more than two steps away from the bathroom since we got back! All three of us; and you're not sick”!

A couple of days later his girlfriend came to me and asked, “Is this your doing”? My comment, “he screwed up, and yes this was my doing”.

A few days later they recovered and I went back to the hardware store to pick up some wood working equipment that he was supposed to have purchased for me before I returned and soon found out that not only had the machinery not been purchased but that the money had somehow disappeared; time to find out what happened.

My friend and I knew that something was brewing. The questions that I had called him about were going to stir something up, and it wasn't going to be good.

We had stopped off at my friend’s girlfriend's house to talk and reformulate a plan of action. I went outside. It was time to call in my support and to talk to Creator.

I drew the circle of the Medicine Wheel and stood in the center of the wheel. With all the strength that I could muster I called on my light tribe. “T---- I need your help, light me up. Tr--- I need your strength, light me up, An----- I need your power, light me up. And so I turned through the wheel, person by person I called their names and asked their help until I spoke to everyone in the circle. When I had finished I was completely surrounded by a powerful force that left me feeling completely protected.

I was feeling a least a foot or more off the ground. Just then my friend came outside. “What just happened, what did you just do?” My comment to him was,”I just called in my people.”
“Well,” he said, “I feel completely protected. “

And with that protection surrounding us we entered into the firestorm.

Written by Roger

I Am Three

One of my earliest experiences happened when I was three. My parents were chain smokers, they had huge issues and at this particular time and they were living with my father’s mother. My dad and I were sick. I was told that my grandmother paid to have a doctor come to the house to have my dad looked at and there had not been enough money to have me looked at. Having been told a lot of awful things about my grandmother, later to find they were not true, I hold the thought only briefly.

It was winter time in north Georgia; it was chilly in the little brick house with two fireplaces and a furnace where the heat came up from the floor. My dad use to put buckets of water in cement heater ducts to humidify the air. He said it made breathing easier, if they would only stop smoking then we could all breath. My dad had a bad cough and a low grade temperature. I had 105 temperature, and pneumonia again, a problem I would have many times in my life.

My father went off to work, my brother off to school, and my grandmother to the neighbors. My mother was left with one very sick child. When she took my temperature and it was 105 she filled the bathtub with cold water. To this day I despise cold water. She gently and persistently insisted that I get in the tub. I cried and begged. She won. After a few minutes she had me get out and she wrapped me in a big fluffy towel, took me to bed and cuddled up with me. We both fell asleep.

Time passed. I was woken up by a voice in the kitchen... it was a man's voice. Soft, gentle and kind calling to me, saying something about it was time to go.

I walked out to the kitchen, up by the ceiling in the left hand side was a man in a white dress (that's how I saw it) he had white hair and beard. He asked me to go with him. My next memory I was warm and wrapped with more towels curled under the bathroom sink and right under me was one of the heater vents. My mother is calling me first questioning. 'Tammy? Tammy where are you?' Then more frantic 'Tammy! Tammy what are you doing here? Why are you even out of bed?' She was saying this as she pulled me out from under the sink vanity. 'Your fever broke.' With a sigh of relief. Again 'why did you get out of bed?'

I was sleeping peacefully when she bomb barded me with all the questions. I let her pick me up and I said 'A man woke me up and asked me to come with him.' Instant freak out! Mom went tense 'What man! Where was he!' She put me down and I lead her to the kitchen.

I pointed in the top left hand corner of the kitchen and said 'He was right there.' 'He was all in white and wore a white dress.' The look on her face was a combination of relief and confusion. 'What did he want?' 'He wanted to take me out of my body. He said it was time to go.'

The look I remember was pure fear. 'Why didn’t you go?' I told him I wanted to stay with my Mother and Bryce (my brother) and he said I could.' She grabbed me up ran back to the bed room holding me rocking me and telling me never to go.

Shortly after this event I asked to go to church, my parents didn’t go but, on occasion my Grandmother went with me; usually they let me go with the neighbors. I started talking to my imaginary friends. I talked to the trees, to the wind and to the little boy with gray eyes. No one else could hear or see what I was experiencing. I learned not to share it with the adults. Later it became safe to talk to my Dad about my gifts. He told me 'never be afraid of your gifts; your mother and I both have some psychic ability it comes to reason that you would.'


Tamara

Locked Doors

I have had several ah-haa moments over the years. I will start with an early one.

When I was 14 years old my friend’s Dad had a stroke and they rushed him to the hospital, he was not expected to survive the night.

It was a warm summer evening and as we were walking I was trying to console my friend. We found ourselves in front of a Church, I remember saying ‘what the heck, lets go say a Prayer for your Dad’ but, when we got to the front door it was locked; so we decided to try one of the side doors of the Church.

Just as we opened the side door an old man was exiting. He looked at us and said ‘don’t worry boys everything will be alright’. We didn’t think much about this at the time and continued to walk up the stairs to an interior door but it was also locked. My mind was saying why was this old man there in between the two doors and how did he get there if the doors were locked?

The next morning the hospital sent my friends Dad home saying he was ok, just what the man in between the locked doors had told us…I had my ah-haa moment!

Written by: Man of Horse Who Listens to the Whisper of the Wind (my Native given name)